Moving on from a toxic relationship

Moving on from a toxic relationship

Introduction

Source

Are you suffering from toxicity in a relationship and considering moving on? Then, you are at the right place. In this article, we’ll see the difficulties of moving on from toxic relationships. You will get to know about everything like the warning signs of toxicity, difficulties faced during the healing process, and the steps that you should take towards making healthier connections in the future. You should understand that recovering from a toxic relationship is a tough phase that requires self-awareness, courage, and patience. After reading this article, we assure you that you will feel equipped and moving on from a toxic relationship will become a lot easier for you.

Understanding Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships are characterized by emotional, mental, or even physical harm incurred by one partner to the other. These connections often involve control, manipulation, and an absence of mutual trust and respect. Despite the pain they cause, people may find it difficult to leave toxic relationships due to the following reasons:

1. Attachment:

  • People can create solid emotional bonds even in toxic relationships due to the innate need for connection and belonging,
  • Individuals hold onto moments of affection, validation, or intimacy, evidence of commitment or love, by ignoring the toxic behavior of their partner.
  • Individuals fear losing the connection with their partner because of emotional attachments that create a sense of loyalty and make it hard for them to leave the relationship.

2. Fear of Loneliness:

  • There are some people who do not break up with their toxic partners even after being aware of the harm their partner is causing. They do this because they have the fear of being alone.
  • Usually after being in a relationship, we can not take on the discomfort of loneliness. So we choose to tolerate inappropriate behaviors to perceive security of having a partner.
  • You should not become accustomed to the companionship or familiarity of the relationship. Because it can become intimidating for you to be single or face the unknown.

3. Hope for Change:

  • Many individuals hold onto hope that things will improve or that their partner will change despite the toxic behaviors of their partner.
  • They get this hope by moments in which their partner remorse or apologies, make promises to change themselves, or give them the belief that the love they share is strong enough to overcome any obstacles.
  • However, you should understand the patterns of behavior. If your partner keeps on repeating themselves without meaningful change, then it’s important to recognize when this hope is unrealistic.

4. Financial Dependence:

  • If one partner is financially dependent on the other, economic factors become a significant barrier to leaving a toxic relationship.
  • People become trapped in toxic relationships, even if they want to leave out of this connection, they can’t do it because of the fear of financial instability.
  • This inability to support themselves independently does not let a person move on.
  • This dependency can also give the abusive partner a sense of control and power.

5. Low Self-Esteem:

  • Toxic relationships often involve belittlement, criticism, or even mental abuse, which can chip away at an individual’s self-esteem over time.
  • Individuals develop a diminished sense of self-worth by constant negativity and invalidation of their toxic partner
  • Because of this, it becomes impossible for the person to believe that they deserve better treatment. They fear that they won’t be able to find someone else who will treat them with kindness and respect.

Tips for Moving On:

Overcoming toxicity in a relationship is clearly an extremely difficult task. But, you should understand that it is also a journey of self-discovery and growth. Given below are some tips to assist you in moving on from a toxic relationship:

1. Challenge Negative Thoughts:

  • You should be mindful of the negative self-talk and beliefs that have developed due to the toxic relationship.
  • You should challenge these negative thoughts by addressing their rightfulness. You can replace these thoughts with more compassionate and positive affirmations.
  • You should practice self-care and remind yourself that you deserve all the admiration, respect, care, and happiness.

2. Set Boundaries:

  • The first step you should take after a breakup is to set clear boundaries with your ex-partner to protect your emotional and mental well-being.
  • You should let them know your boundaries and ensure that they will never cross them.
  • You can also limit or completely cut off any contact with your ex-partner. Analyze all the factors, trust your instincts, and come to a decision.

3. Practice Self-Care:

  • You should focus on activities that support your physical and mental well-being.
  • You should do regular exercise, take enough rest, eat healthy food, and practice relaxation strategies such as deep breathing or meditation.
  • You can also pursue your interests and hobbies that bring you fulfillment and joy.

4. Seek Support:

  • You should surround yourself with individuals who understand you and offer unconditional support and compassion.
  • You can also look out for therapy or counseling sessions to process your feelings.
  • You can connect with some online communities or support groups where you will interact with other individuals who have experienced similar circumstances as yours.

5. Acknowledge the Toxicity:

  • This step includes reflecting truly on the relationship dynamics and recognizing the harmful behaviors and patterns that were present.
  • Take note of instances of gaslighting, manipulation, verbal abuse, or any other forms of abuse that happened.
  • It’s essential to validate your own feelings and experiences without minimizing or rationalizing the toxicity of the relationship.

6. Embrace Growth:

  • View the experience of moving on from a toxic relationship as an opportunity for transformation and personal development.
  • Recognize the versatility and strength you have demonstrated in exploring through difficulty.
  • Acknowledge the lessons learned from this experience and keep the learning with you as you move forward on your journey of healing and self-discovery.

7. Rediscover Your Identity:

  • It is the time to reconnect with your passions, interests, and objectives that you have been avoiding because of the relationship.
  • Now, you can explore new experiences that bring you a sense of joy and fulfillment.
  • Take time to reflect on your strengths, values, and aspirations and dream of the kind of life you want to create for yourself.

Conclusion:

Moving on from a toxic relationship is a transformative journey that requires courage, resilience, and self-compassion. It’s a process of rediscovering your worth, recovering your power, and finding the way to a future filled with affection, care, and joy. By acknowledging the toxicity of the relationship and taking proactive steps to prioritize your well-being, you are reclaiming agency over your life and refusing to settle for anything less than you deserve.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) :

  1. Should I be connected with my ex-partner or cut all contacts after leaving a toxic relationship?

Cutting contact from ex partners or staying in touch with them even after the breakup is a personal one. It differs from person to person as per the situation. Some people prefer to cut all contacts to keep themselves protected from any kind of hurt. Some people stay in contact and maintain a friendly relationship. If you can not decide what to do, take advice from your friends or family.

  1. How can I find out that my relationship is toxic?

A toxic relationship can be harmful and to find out whether your relationship is toxic or not is of utmost importance. Sometimes, we do not even realize that our relationship with our partner has become toxic and is traumatizing us. You should analyze the patterns of emotional, psychological, or physical harm given by one partner onto the other. You should observe whether your partner controls you, manipulates you, disrespects you, breaks your trust, and criticizes you. If you find yourself feeling constantly unhappy, invalidated, or unsafe in your relationship, it is a sign that it has become really toxic.

  1. Why can’t I leave my toxic relationship?

To leave a toxic relationship can be very difficult because of several factors. It is possible that you have become emotionally attached to your partner. You might be afraid of loneliness and low self esteem. You should analyze these things and make yourself understand that these things are temporary and will heal with time.

  1. Can I rebuild confidence and trust in future relationships after experiencing toxicity?

Yes, you can rebuild confidence and trust in future relationships after experiencing toxicity. It requires self-reflection, healing, and growth. You should address all your insecurities or traumas from your past relationship. For doing that, you can practice self care or can also take therapy. You should prioritize your self respect and should not give access to just anyone in your life. You need to set boundaries and choose a partner who values you. Be patient with yourself because healing takes time. Have faith in yourself, you will surely create the healthy and promising relationships you deserve.

  1. Why can’t I heal from the trauma of a toxic relationship?

As you were in a toxic relationship, your mind and heart has felt a major trauma. It is difficult to heal from this, but you can do this by following some tips, it requires time, patience, and self-love. You should know that healing comes naturally and you can’t do it in just one or two days. Spend time with your friends, family and keep yourself busy in activities that make you happy. You should also set boundaries with your ex-partner. Because if there will be any kind of interference from your partner, it becomes a bit difficult to move on and heal. Forgive yourself, leave negative thoughts, and stay. surrounded by positive people.

Embracing singlehood after a breakup

Embracing singlehood after a breakup

Introduction

Breakups can be tough, but remember they aren’t the end of your life. You can start a new beginning and embracing singlehood can be a rejuvenating and embarking journey. Remember being single doesn’t mean being alone and even if you’re then being a human you do matter and you deserve to be happy, doesn’t matter if you are single or in a relationship. Single life can be fun, you just need to chin up and change your lenses to analyse the situation from an optimistic viewpoint.

Embracing singlehood includes certain self-care activities like caring and spoiling yourself, enjoying solo trips etc. You should surround yourself with your close friends and it’s time to reconnect to your hobbies and interests. Utilise this opportunity to grow, learn, and become the best version of yourself. This will increase your confidence and you’ll be able to cope with the situation more optimistically. After a breakup you become vulnerable and a lot of questions strike your mind. What to do? How to keep yourself happy? How to deal with the situation? But when you start embracing singlehood you will eventually move on. In this article, we have mentioned 10 ways to embrace singlehood after a breakup:-

  1. Spend quality time with yourself
  2. Travelling and trips
  3. Catch up with old friends
  4. Pamper yourself
  5. Pick up some hobbies
  6. Date yourself
  7. Be spontaneous
  8. Focus on your growth
  9. Learn new skills
  10. Give time to your parents

Spend quality time with yourself

  • Self-care is one of the most underrated pleasures in the world. People often care about their friends, family and most importantly their partner, but they forget to give time to themselves. So, when you become single again after a breakup, it’s the time you should spend with yourself.
  • You should start grooming yourself and take care of your health. When you were in a relationship you hardly had time for yourself but now you are free and you can watch your favourite shows, take a bubble bath or visit a salon. Doing these things will uplift your mood and increase your confidence.

Travelling and trips

  • Travelling and going on trips is a good way to move on after a breakup and it can create beautiful memories. You can explore new places and meet new people, this will give you fresh air and you can also explore new places and immerse yourself in various cultures.
  • You can also go to adventurous spots that will give you an adrenaline rush and uplift your mood. You can enjoy your solitude by exploring the fresh air of mountains or visiting beaches, or maybe in a foreign country.
  • Travelling can be a game changer and it will help you to transform yourself completely.

Catch up with old friends

  • Meeting old friends and spending quality time with them can rejuvenate your mood. You can also consider this as another form of self-care.
  • You can have hours of talks, plan for a movie night, a short trip or a picnic, remember opportunities are endless you just have to go for it.
  • Reconnecting with old friends, reminiscing about old times and enjoying each other’s company can freshen up your mind and it will also create happy memories.

Pamper yourself

  • Pampering yourself is necessary for embracing singlehood, you’ll get your joyous version and start enjoying the little moments with yourself.
  • You can buy yourself new clothes and accessories. You should start dressing more attractively, this will also boost your confidence. You can have a spa session or massage or maybe a good facial to keep yourself glowing.
  • Remember self-care is all about making yourself feel special and doing the things that you love, it will help you heal and stay kind to yourself as it is important to love yourself a little bit extra during bad days.

Pick up some hobbies

  • It is very important to keep yourself distracted after a breakup and picking up some hobbies is a good way to do so. It will help you to shift your focus towards healing and you will eventually start feeling better.
  • You can start cooking your favourite meals or try learning new cuisine with the help of online videos.
  • You can try playing your favourite sports and if you are not into sports then you can start learning a new sport, it will make your physical as well mental health better.
  • There are endless options that you can try for yourself. Picking up new hobbies and trying to learn new things can be therapeutic and it will help you to transform yourself and to grow and glow.

Date yourself

  • So now you’re single, you should start treating yourself with love, care and kindness, similar to the way you would treat your partner in a relationship.
  • Now you should start rediscovering who you are and distance yourself from negative people. You should start enjoying your own company leaving behind all the toxicity.
  • Remember you are important and you deserve to be loved and treated well. So don’t wait and start dating yourself. Never hesitate to self-care.

Be spontaneous

  • Being spontaneous will give you a sense of excitement, improve your mood and freshen up your mind. It will give you the joy that you wouldn’t receive from your everyday routine.
  • You can say yes to new experiences like attending social gatherings and meeting new people or calling up a friend for a night out.
  • You can embrace this phase by giving surprises and living in the moment. Whenever you start overthinking, you can try out new things to uplift your mood.

Focus on your growth

  • You can empower yourself in a true sense by focusing on your personal growth. Instead of feeling bad or negative about yourself, you should analyse what worked and what didn’t, and use those insights to grow and improve as an individual.
  • You should start setting goals and find areas where you need to improve and always set realistic goals. Take one step at a moment and be consistent.
  • Remember it is not a single-day process and it will take time. Once you start your self-growth journey then gradually you will be able to see the changes and always be kind to yourself. Don’t be harsh on yourself and remember this shall pass too.

Learn new skills

  • Learning new skills will keep you engaged and focused. It will also help you to grow in your career.
  • You can explore courses online and select as per your interest. There are plenty of sources available ranging from YouTube tutorials to online platforms like Coursera, Skillshare and others.

Give time to your parents

  • Your parents can provide you with care, comfort and support, you should start spending time with your parents after a breakup as they’re the ones who care about you most.
  • You’ll feel good when you start having thoughtful conversations with them, you can also share your feelings or you can also show some appreciation to them.
  • These moments will not only strengthen your bond with your parents but also give you lifetime good memories.
  • Always remember that your parents love you unconditionally and they want the best for you. You can seek their wisdom as they have observed a fair amount of ups and downs in life.

 

Summary:-

Going through a breakup sucks but we often fail to recognise the positive aspects of a breakup. Embracing singlehood can be an exciting chapter of your life. You can solely focus on yourself without worrying about someone. You can try out new things, travel to your favourite places or bucket list destinations, learn new skills and others. Embracing singlehood after a breakup will let you surround yourself with your friends and you can also give time to your parents. Embracing singlehood not only helps you to move on from your previous relationship but also will make you more confident and you will learn to handle emotions more maturely.

Frequently asked questions:-

  1. How can I stay happy and single after a breakup?

Answer:- Moving on takes time, don’t rush and take your time. Analyse your mistakes and start working on your growth. Give proper time to yourself and don’t get into another relationship to forget the previous partner because most of these are rebound relationships which will make you emotionally more vulnerable.

  1. How to embrace singlehood after a breakup?

Answer:- You should start working on yourself and meet your friends. You can spend time with your parents and learn new things.

  1. Is it okay to be single after a breakup?

Answer:- Yes, it is completely okay to be single after a breakup as you need to give some time to yourself before rushing into the next relationship. You should focus on your growth and development after a breakup.

  1. How do I enjoy being single again?

Answer:- You existed before the arrival of your ex-partner as well. You should try to move on from your ex-partner and remind yourself of the times when your partner was not in your life.

  1. What are the benefits of being single after a breakup?

Answer:- When you become single again after your breakup, you are no longer bound to give care and time to another person and you can give time to yourself. You can plan your day and you have a lot of freedom as well.

How to Cope with A Break-Up | By Confident Personality

How to Cope with A Break-Up

In the modern day world, which is characterised by fast-paced lifestyles, separations have become a mainstay in all facets of survival, and have become more prominent when it comes to relationships. Be it month-long flings or 25 year-old marriages, divorces and break-up rates are on the increase, and individuals can’t figure out how to stop this pandemic.

Our friend Jai was in a similar situation; his 2 year-long relationship with his girlfriend terminated due to family pressure. Crestfallen with his first love’s incomplete quest, Jai came across this very article, which helped in processing his raw emotions, channelling his energy towards the bigger picture, and eventually move-on with his ultimate journey of developing his personality.

So here is our 7 step guide, which will help you overcome your break-up phase.

  1. Accept the Reality: The 5 stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and anger are the common emotions one encounters after a break-up. Though there isn’t any preset order of occurrence, most people experience acceptance as the last stage and this is exactly what you should look to reverse.

The American Psychological Association has revealed that acceptance is amongst the indirect means through which depression levels can be brought down. Moreover, the moments following one’s break-up is the phase when one is most susceptible to denialism, which pushes one into a world of delusion and lies.

Acceptance is the key to escape from this very world. It is the key that serves as the foundation for your new chapter and liberates one from the shackles of anxiety and guilt.

  1. Snap all contacts with your ex: One of the major motives of our 8-step process is to help you move on from your past relationship, and to achieve that, you must completely sever any means of communication or connection with your former partner. To start off, block the person from all of the social media that you use, ensuring you don’t go Sherlock Holmes on their life activities. Distance yourself from all materialistic memories of them, and more importantly, ensure you have no scope for communicating with them.

Studies have found out that individuals who frequently scroll through their ex’s social media accounts are more prone to post-breakup trauma.

Following this particular advice will aid you in achieving closure and setting intrapersonal boundaries of self-reliance.

  1. Prioritize your Work/Hobby: A breakup is what science calls a metastasis, an event which totally transforms one’s lifestyle. It introduces emotions such as sadness, guilt, and more so confusion since a key aspect of your daily routine is snatched away.

At such times, falling back on your professional life serves as a productive path for you to channel your recently developed emotions. One needs to adhere to certain protocols and responsibilities in a professional setting and at this stage, those aspects serve as boundaries as well as a distraction from vices such as drugs and hollow relations. If a job is not a viable option for you, then following your hobbies, which might have taken a backseat for the past few years, can act as a great substitute too.

  1. Discover a support system: Parting ways with your “better-half” has a negative effect on one’s social as well as mental health. The mind may feel overwhelmed by the calamity, and subsequently, the body becomes subdued enough to carry out even daily tasks.

Here’s where your friends and family can contribute. Harvard studies have already established that social connections boost one’s quality of life, and in the aftermath of a tragic event such as a break-up, interaction with your loved ones helps deplete the mountain of grief. You don’t need to carry the baggage all alone; rather, sharing your feelings with trusted individuals helps you gain a new perspective on the situation and a sense of security.

Additionally, it makes you appreciate the fellow gifts that life has bestowed upon you, gifts which might have been overshadowed by the relationship in question.

  1. Allow professional help: In continuation of our previous advice, we also strongly recommend for you to try counselling sessions. Everyone might not have access to understanding closed ones and here’s where a professional comes into the picture.

There are specialist relationship counsellors who can help you in your quest of self-introspection through their medical expertise and moreover, provide an emotional backbone which keeps distressing feelings such as depression at bay.

A proper therapist helps you in locating the root of your issues and through multiple sessions, he/she will remain an ally throughout your recovery. If you find it tough to afford a therapist, then investigate your local community mental services and ask any professional about their sliding scale options.

An alternative to this step is for you to reach out for self help-groups. Meeting with people who share a similar plight to yours can provide a sense of comfort, and dust away the feeling of loneliness which many of us experience after a break-up.

  1. Gift yourself a breakup-card: A break-up is a short note prepared by others for companions who have gone through a break-up in order to motivate them during the struggle. What we suggest is that you gift yourself a break-up card in the form of a self-journal. Pour out your sentiments, grievances and complaints in a notebook which you must update daily.

And make sure to dedicate a section of your daily writings for words of self-praise. Include any qualities which you feel proud of yourself and if you are finding it hard to do for the initial, then try recollecting distant memories of which you are most proud.

This activity will help you keep a track of your progress and moreover, you would blossom your self-compassion, a trait which is essential at times as such.

  1. Respect the power of Time: Throughout this article, we have tried highlighting the natural processes which take shape after a split-up. That included acceptance, emotional and personal recovery and most importantly building a better personality. Well the most effective remedy which covers all of the above issues is time.

Post-separation recovery is something which doesn’t conclude instantly. The above steps will certainly provide necessary short-time firewalls against harmful habits and maybe even depression. But for them to have a long-term impact and for you to complete your cycle of healing, you have to repeat the above set of tasks day in and day out.

The departure of a person with whom you were romantically involved leaves your life in shambles. Your daily routine is jumbled up, an amount of your daily activities vanish into thin air and the roles that he/she had played up until then, look for a substitute. Thus, in agreement with the thumb rule of other journeys too, time remains the slowest yet most powerful friend in your recovery process.

Here’s a quick recap of our 7 step mantra which will help you conquer tough times.

  • Accepting the situation.
  • Distancing from your ex.
  • Focusing on productive outlets.
  • Spending time with closed ones.
  • Seeking professional help.
  • Break-up card.
  • Respecting the value of time.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What alternatives are there if one can’t afford a psychologist?

Ans. In such cases, we suggest you try out community based health centres, which often provide services at nominal rates. Additionally, you can contact hotlines which are run by volunteers who can serve as feasible substitutes to a trained psychologist(can not replace them).

What is a breakup card?

Ans. Breakup cards are short messages created by people to give to their loved ones who have undergone a recent breakup.

What are the hobbies which one should take up at such a moment?

Ans. We foremost advise you to follow the activities for which you are passionate about. But in case you are confused or don’t have such a hobby, then gyming might be a good fill-in. It serves as a channel for you to vent out your emotions and moreover you are likely to have proper social interaction too during this venture.

How long does it take to recover from a break-up?

Ans. The time-period of recovery depends from person to person, though a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology came to a rough estimate of around 3 months whereas certain scholars believe in the “21-day” rule.

Why do breakups hurt so much?

Ans. It is because a partner is an integral part of anyone’s life and their leaving means your world takes a 180 degree turn. In such cases, the feeling of detachment and ultimately grief is a common occurrence.