In the modern day world, which is characterised by fast-paced lifestyles, separations have become a mainstay in all facets of survival, and have become more prominent when it comes to relationships. Be it month-long flings or 25 year-old marriages, divorces and break-up rates are on the increase, and individuals can’t figure out how to stop this pandemic.
Our friend Jai was in a similar situation; his 2 year-long relationship with his girlfriend terminated due to family pressure. Crestfallen with his first love’s incomplete quest, Jai came across this very article, which helped in processing his raw emotions, channelling his energy towards the bigger picture, and eventually move-on with his ultimate journey of developing his personality.
So here is our 7 step guide, which will help you overcome your break-up phase.
- Accept the Reality: The 5 stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and anger are the common emotions one encounters after a break-up. Though there isn’t any preset order of occurrence, most people experience acceptance as the last stage and this is exactly what you should look to reverse.
The American Psychological Association has revealed that acceptance is amongst the indirect means through which depression levels can be brought down. Moreover, the moments following one’s break-up is the phase when one is most susceptible to denialism, which pushes one into a world of delusion and lies.
Acceptance is the key to escape from this very world. It is the key that serves as the foundation for your new chapter and liberates one from the shackles of anxiety and guilt.
- Snap all contacts with your ex: One of the major motives of our 8-step process is to help you move on from your past relationship, and to achieve that, you must completely sever any means of communication or connection with your former partner. To start off, block the person from all of the social media that you use, ensuring you don’t go Sherlock Holmes on their life activities. Distance yourself from all materialistic memories of them, and more importantly, ensure you have no scope for communicating with them.
Studies have found out that individuals who frequently scroll through their ex’s social media accounts are more prone to post-breakup trauma.
Following this particular advice will aid you in achieving closure and setting intrapersonal boundaries of self-reliance.
- Prioritize your Work/Hobby: A breakup is what science calls a metastasis, an event which totally transforms one’s lifestyle. It introduces emotions such as sadness, guilt, and more so confusion since a key aspect of your daily routine is snatched away.
At such times, falling back on your professional life serves as a productive path for you to channel your recently developed emotions. One needs to adhere to certain protocols and responsibilities in a professional setting and at this stage, those aspects serve as boundaries as well as a distraction from vices such as drugs and hollow relations. If a job is not a viable option for you, then following your hobbies, which might have taken a backseat for the past few years, can act as a great substitute too.
- Discover a support system: Parting ways with your “better-half” has a negative effect on one’s social as well as mental health. The mind may feel overwhelmed by the calamity, and subsequently, the body becomes subdued enough to carry out even daily tasks.
Here’s where your friends and family can contribute. Harvard studies have already established that social connections boost one’s quality of life, and in the aftermath of a tragic event such as a break-up, interaction with your loved ones helps deplete the mountain of grief. You don’t need to carry the baggage all alone; rather, sharing your feelings with trusted individuals helps you gain a new perspective on the situation and a sense of security.
Additionally, it makes you appreciate the fellow gifts that life has bestowed upon you, gifts which might have been overshadowed by the relationship in question.
- Allow professional help: In continuation of our previous advice, we also strongly recommend for you to try counselling sessions. Everyone might not have access to understanding closed ones and here’s where a professional comes into the picture.
There are specialist relationship counsellors who can help you in your quest of self-introspection through their medical expertise and moreover, provide an emotional backbone which keeps distressing feelings such as depression at bay.
A proper therapist helps you in locating the root of your issues and through multiple sessions, he/she will remain an ally throughout your recovery. If you find it tough to afford a therapist, then investigate your local community mental services and ask any professional about their sliding scale options.
An alternative to this step is for you to reach out for self help-groups. Meeting with people who share a similar plight to yours can provide a sense of comfort, and dust away the feeling of loneliness which many of us experience after a break-up.
- Gift yourself a breakup-card: A break-up is a short note prepared by others for companions who have gone through a break-up in order to motivate them during the struggle. What we suggest is that you gift yourself a break-up card in the form of a self-journal. Pour out your sentiments, grievances and complaints in a notebook which you must update daily.
And make sure to dedicate a section of your daily writings for words of self-praise. Include any qualities which you feel proud of yourself and if you are finding it hard to do for the initial, then try recollecting distant memories of which you are most proud.
This activity will help you keep a track of your progress and moreover, you would blossom your self-compassion, a trait which is essential at times as such.
- Respect the power of Time: Throughout this article, we have tried highlighting the natural processes which take shape after a split-up. That included acceptance, emotional and personal recovery and most importantly building a better personality. Well the most effective remedy which covers all of the above issues is time.
Post-separation recovery is something which doesn’t conclude instantly. The above steps will certainly provide necessary short-time firewalls against harmful habits and maybe even depression. But for them to have a long-term impact and for you to complete your cycle of healing, you have to repeat the above set of tasks day in and day out.
The departure of a person with whom you were romantically involved leaves your life in shambles. Your daily routine is jumbled up, an amount of your daily activities vanish into thin air and the roles that he/she had played up until then, look for a substitute. Thus, in agreement with the thumb rule of other journeys too, time remains the slowest yet most powerful friend in your recovery process.
Here’s a quick recap of our 7 step mantra which will help you conquer tough times.
- Accepting the situation.
- Distancing from your ex.
- Focusing on productive outlets.
- Spending time with closed ones.
- Seeking professional help.
- Break-up card.
- Respecting the value of time.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What alternatives are there if one can’t afford a psychologist?
Ans. In such cases, we suggest you try out community based health centres, which often provide services at nominal rates. Additionally, you can contact hotlines which are run by volunteers who can serve as feasible substitutes to a trained psychologist(can not replace them).
What is a breakup card?
Ans. Breakup cards are short messages created by people to give to their loved ones who have undergone a recent breakup.
What are the hobbies which one should take up at such a moment?
Ans. We foremost advise you to follow the activities for which you are passionate about. But in case you are confused or don’t have such a hobby, then gyming might be a good fill-in. It serves as a channel for you to vent out your emotions and moreover you are likely to have proper social interaction too during this venture.
How long does it take to recover from a break-up?
Ans. The time-period of recovery depends from person to person, though a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology came to a rough estimate of around 3 months whereas certain scholars believe in the “21-day” rule.
Why do breakups hurt so much?
Ans. It is because a partner is an integral part of anyone’s life and their leaving means your world takes a 180 degree turn. In such cases, the feeling of detachment and ultimately grief is a common occurrence.